luxor

In finance, the option period refers to a time frame in which the investor has a right to move forward with the transaction, however once the expiration date is reached, the option to move forward is over.  

Recently,  I responded to an email in which an old flame wanted to know “what happened to us? Things were great so why did it end?”  It had been years since we spoke because I would not answer his emails.  There was no point. But I’d gotten a new one, and finally felt removed enough to respond.  I’d kept it simple and explained that his option period had expired, so I moved on. 

 In that particular case,  after many years of friendship, I finally agreed to try and see how a romantic relationship would work, which was totally weird because we had been friends for so long.  I’d never realized how he’d felt and that he wanted more, (SIDEBAR:  THEY ALWAYS WANT MORE) and things happened that made me finally see that we should move forward…thus granting him an option period to see how it goes and if he would act according to the rules of my universe and seemed like the thing to do.  

 Ladies, this is the time frame in which he either chooses to respect the situation, you ,your feelings or else he tramples all over you and you close his option period down.  Goodbye. Peace out, bro. Good luck. You’re more grief than you’re worth. Bye, Felicia.

 I was blown away that he didn’t realize why I ran away and cut off all communication. (That’s what I do.)  I sort of feel that if you’re not going to respect me then you shouldn’t get to know me anymore.  I explained to him how he was granted an option period.  This was where he had the option to act right and respect the situation or risk letting the option period expire, and lose any future chance of moving forward.  In reality, I’d realized that he was still seeing a few different people and so I was done. That is an option period violation in a relationship.  I’d also become aware of some things he’d done to an ex of his, and it was a total turn off.  She was super sweet and crazy about him and he totally manipulated and hurt her.  

 He was shocked and didn’t realize that an option period was in effect on our relationship.  My bad.  I assume that men know this already.  If you do not get with the program, would you really think a relationship would continue? Unfortunately, women let men drag them around for years without commitment and creating constant stress and uncertainty so they really don’t realize that sometimes some of us do actually walk away.  I learned the hard way to not let anyone waste too much of my time, because I was married for 6 years to a person who was emotionally unwell and not a healthy person for me to be around.  If a relationship is hard on you emotionally and continues to challenge your mental health, then it’s best to leave.   The only thing I regret in life is that I’d wasted so much time trying to help a person who was not able to be well and have joy.  I didn’t find out the truth about his childhood issues until after being married, which of course effected his life deeply. And mine.  If I had known, I would have run.  The issues were so deep that my entire life was tainted.  (To all the friends that I ranted to daily during this time, thank you!)  I learned that I can not help and heal people of their emotional wounds and that they must do it on their own.  I surely don’t have time to burn with a person who won’t deal with their issues in an effort to move forward.

I literally was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress from the drama of this relationship. I had it for about a minute before I snapped out of it.  The worst part was that it’s not like I was ever deeply in love with the man.  (SIDEBAR: BEING IN LOVE IS DIFFERENT THINGS AND DEGREES TO DIFFERENT PEOPLE, HOWEVER ONCE YOU HAVE THE CRAZY OXYTOCIN-FILLED LOVE… YOU THEN REALIZE THAT YOU WERE JUST WASTING TIME BEFORE.) That’s a whole different topic though.

After the divorce, I sat in my house on a Sunday afternoon, and heard a knock at the door.  It was him. He came to apologize for everything.  Although it helped, you can’t get back the years you waste on a person who doesn’t value you.

 It is because of this instance, mainly that I suppose I developed an option period mentality.  Every single person I’ve ever been interested in, has come back. They all come back. They are all sorry. Regretful.  I try to be very open and honest about what I want, even in marriage so that I know that I have no regrets when I decide I’m done.   I bring this up now, because I found our email exchanges to be shocking.  I can’t believe he didn’t realize why I ended it, but also, it’s a common issue with friends and random females that I meet.  For some reason, conversations about men and relationships come up often and I always hear people talking about all their children they have with a boyfriend or simply that they’ve been dating a man for 3 to 7 years. Say what ?  Shoot.  If I’m dating a man for 3 years, believe me, I would also see anyone else that comes along I may fancy.  If you do not give me a commitment don’t expect one back.  Just sayin.  

I know plenty of females that struggled with terrible relationships for years and nothing ever really changed, and everyone looks back and wishes they had cut out earlier, myself included.  I’m not speaking about not getting along over finances or inadequate sex…I am talking about major, dealbreaker scenarios such as repeated cheating, gambling away the farm or abuse.

-SDS

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