PURE SPECULATION SERIES: ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE

People always joke about zombies and the apocalypse as well as an upcoming collective Zombie Apocalypse.  Newsflash… we are in the Zombie Apocalypse.

I was in a shuttle bus the other day and the driver was in shock that a grown woman was walking very slowly in front of our moving bus, as she was staring at the screen on her phone.  She never even realized that we had to stop because she was waddling slowly across the street of moving vehicles.  This, my friends, is a Zombie.  People that do not realize that there is an entire world out here that doesn’t revolve around their digital, unreal existence.

Stephanie Sjoberg, Zombie Apocalypse, Luxor Living and Style, Election 2016, Top Houston Blog, blogger

People have been dumbed down by electronics, bad schooling, bad parents who pass down zero values and character deficits as well as the government spoon feeding ignorant people.  People who don’t realize the price of real groceries skyrocketing because they buy fake frozen food for their kids with zero nutritional value. People who have an expectation of government cheese because they were raised on government cheese so now it’s just an expectation. 

I have a friend that grew up in the State Welfare System and ended up in foster care for years as a youth. She would constantly mention how the government should do this or that and make things better for foster kids.  She was upset about her foster families, upset about not going to college, upset about being dumped at 18 with no more checks coming in.  It finally occurred to me to ask her why she was mad at the government for not raising her better, yet she forgave her mother for losing her to foster care due to child abuses and drug issues in the first place. This was a concept she had never considered. You are mad at the goverment for not doing what your parents should have done.

She asked me the other day, what Trump was going to do about ObamaCare.  “First of all, Trump didn’t create the ObamaCare lie.  Obama did.  Secondly, if the borders to our country are not protected, ISIS and others will continue to pour in and if your head is cut off you won’t need Insurance.”

People are so uneducated on foreign policy, political history and biblical prophecy… that it’s really interesting to me to try and figure out how in the hell people can function day to day, scratch out a living, pay bills occasionally and still be so ignorant.

I started the Worldbeat page of this site, because I continually send out news clips and videos to zombie friends that only watch mainstream news.  I thought it would just be easier to post everything in one place.  I have this little gig on the side that I call my full time job, so spare time to help the universe is scarce. But I try.

I heard something on the radio a few weeks ago…so I decided to use it as a test.  Whenever a person begins a political conversation with me, and I can tell that they are a zombie… I tell them that they have 15 seconds to answer this question.

“Please tell me the names and current positions of the two men running for Vice President.” Do you realize that I’ve done this about 20 times, and not one person has been able to answer?  When they come to the self realization that they are uneducated on the presidential race…it ends the conversation.  If you do not even know the names and qualifications of the VPs, how can you know enough to vote?  It’s an extremely pertinent point when you consider the likelihood of an assassination attempt on these two candidates.

There really is good and evil.  Right and wrong. Heaven and hell. If you do not get these basic principals of reality because it’s too inconvenient to think about, then obviously your thoughts and growth would be limited.

Let’s make this really, really simple.  Bill and Hillary Clinton have made a living off of selling America.  They have taken money from foreign interests such as the Saudi Arabians and China.  Just forget for a moment that Saudi Arabia finds it acceptable to enslave and beat women because after all…women are less than men, kill those who participate in same-sex sexual activity and has no law for rape. (This means it’s not really a crime.) As a woman, how could you possibly vote for her? But forget all that nonsense…we should not have a President who has sold influence to other countries. Where then, would their loyalties lie? Certainly not with you.  You can’t buy influence. You are a burden. You are insignificant and oh by the way…please stop procreating.  Wait, Hillary will help you with that.  She supports full term abortions and the selling of baby body parts.  She loves Planned Parenthood because it keeps the lower class from continuing to multiply.  Oh, but if you’re a Zombie, you are ignorant and don’t care that a vote for Hillary is a vote for murder.

Hillary is paid for by George Soros.  You’ve never heard of him though.  You would have to stop scouring your Tinder app for suitors in order to absorb any hint of real news and the horrible position this country has been placed in by people like the Clintons being bought by purely evil people such as Soros.

Just on the simple facts alone, that Trump can’t be bought by any special interest because he’s already richer than anyone needs to be, and he doesn’t want us to continue to chop up babies… would make him a great candidate.  Having been in business for a zillion years helps, and if you don’t think so…look at Obama and his total lack of business expertise and where it’s gotten us.  America is a business of the world. A failing one.  Wouldn’t it make sense to hire a person who has real business knowledge as opposed to someone who has only made money off of selling American policy decisions? This does not have to be a hard decision.  The problem is the Zombies not understanding the big picture.  Being blind.

All I can say is that everyone should pray for discernment before voting.  Look at Paris. Look at Venezuela.  Do you realize how much an apple costs today? Do you see the signs?

I am just a regular person so don’t listen to me.  Believe everything you hear on the mainstream news.  They have been filling our heads with polls sampling from sources so as to create the viewpoint they want to you to believe.  Who do they even call for these terrible, inaccurate “polls” anyway?  Certainly not people at work all day like me.  My phone never rang.  Are they calling Obama Phones? Are they calling certain zip codes?  Half of the reason this election has been so emotionally draining, is because the media has tried mental conditioning and shoving a Clinton Victory Concept down our throats for months.   They’ve left out very important issues such as the fact that for so many legal reasons, Clinton should not have been allowed to even run, much less win. They’ve made me feel as though I’m completely surrounded by the ignorance and blindness of the general population.

Somehow, Sean Hanity still has a job with Fox News, the morning after posting the video below. I get a lot of my news off of Alternative Media outlets such as Infowars.com and The Alex Jones Channel on YouTube, but was shocked about this appeal by Hannity.  Alex Jones seems crazy as first, but then you realize how super fast his mind works, and how real he is and wouldn’t it be great if more men were like him.  (Ok, admittedly he’d drive me crazy to have to live with but crazy is a little bit sexy.)

I’m posting the video below of the impressive final closing argument by Sean Hannity.   Maybe you will hear him lay out the facts in simple terms and it will change your heart. Wake you up. Everything he is saying is truth and fact.  If your heart is blind to truth and fact… then you have already entered the Zombie Apocalypse.  It’s going to get a lot worse.

-SDS

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DATING and The OPTION PERIOD

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In finance, the option period refers to a time frame in which the investor has a right to move forward with the transaction, however once the expiration date is reached, the option to move forward is over.  

Recently,  I responded to an email in which an old flame wanted to know “what happened to us? Things were great so why did it end?”  It had been years since we spoke because I would not answer his emails.  There was no point. But I’d gotten a new one, and finally felt removed enough to respond.  I’d kept it simple and explained that his option period had expired, so I moved on. 

 In that particular case,  after many years of friendship, I finally agreed to try and see how a romantic relationship would work, which was totally weird because we had been friends for so long.  I’d never realized how he’d felt and that he wanted more, (SIDEBAR:  THEY ALWAYS WANT MORE) and things happened that made me finally see that we should move forward…thus granting him an option period to see how it goes and if he would act according to the rules of my universe and seemed like the thing to do.  

 Ladies, this is the time frame in which he either chooses to respect the situation, you ,your feelings or else he tramQuotes-About-Relationships-Ending-And-Moving-On-8-311x300ples all over you and you close his option period down.  Goodbye. Peace out, bro. Good luck. You’re more grief than you’re worth. Bye, Felicia.

 I was blown away that he didn’t realize why I ran away and cut off all communication. (That’s what I do.)  I sort of feel that if you’re not going to respect me then you shouldn’t get to know me anymore.  I explained to him how he was granted an option period.  This was where he had the option to act right and respect the situation or risk letting the option period expire, and lose any future chance of moving forward.  In reality, I’d realized that he was still seeing a few different people and so I was done. That is an option period violation in a relationship.  I’d also become aware of some things he’d done to an ex of his, and it was a total turn off.  She was super sweet and crazy about him and he totally manipulated and hurt her.  

 He was shocked and didn’t realize that an option period was in effect on our relationship.  My bad.  I assume that men know this already.  If you do not get with the program, would you really think a relationship would continue? Unfortunately, women let men drag them around for years without commitment and creating constant stress and uncertainty so they really don’t realize that sometimes some of us do actually walk away.  I learned the hard way to not let anyone waste too much of my time, because I was married for 6 years to a person who was emotionally unwell and not a healthy person for me to be around.  If a relationship is hard on you emotionally and continues to challenge your mental health, then it’s best to leave.   The only thing I regret in life is that I’d wasted so much time trying to help a person who was not able to be well and have joy.  I didn’t find out the truth about his childhood issues until after being married, which of course effected his life deeply. And mine.  If I had known, I would have run.  The issues were so deep that my entire life was tainted.  (To all the friends that I ranted to daily during this time, thank you!)  I learned that I can not help and heal people of their emotional wounds and that they must do it on their own.  I surely don’t have time to burn with a person who won’t deal with their issues in an effort to move forward.

I literally was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress from the drama of this relationship. I had it for about a minute before I snapped out of it.  The worst part was that it’s not like I was ever deeply in love with the man.  (SIDEBAR: BEING IN LOVE IS DIFFERENT THINGS AND DEGREES TO DIFFERENT PEOPLE, HOWEVER ONCE YOU HAVE THE CRAZY OXYTOCIN-FILLED LOVE… YOU THEN REALIZE THAT YOU WERE JUST WASTING TIME BEFORE.) That’s a whole different topic though.

After the divorce, I sat in my house on a Sunday afternoon, and heard a knock at the door.  It was him. He came to apologize for everything.  Although it helped, you can’t get back the years you waste on a person who doesn’t value you.

 

 It is because of this instance, mainly that I suppose I developed an option period mentality.  Every single person I’ve ever been interested in, has come back. They all come back. They are all sorry. Regretful.  I try to be very open and honest about what I want, even in marriage so that I know that I have no regrets when I decide I’m done.   I bring this up now, because I found our email exchanges to be shocking.  I can’t believe he didn’t realize why I ended it, but also, it’s a common issue with friends and random females that I meet.  For some reason, conversations about men and relationships come up often and I always hear people talking about all their children they have with a boyfriend or simply that they’ve been dating a man for 3 to 7 years. Say what ?  Shoot.  If I’m dating a man for 3 years, believe me, I would also see anyone else that comes along I may fancy.  If you do not give me a commitment don’t expect one back.  Just sayin.  

I know plenty of females that struggled with terrible relationships for years and nothing ever really changed, and everyone looks back and wishes they had cut out earlier, myself included.  I’m not speaking about not getting along over finances or inadequate sex…I am talking about major, dealbreaker scenarios such as repeated cheating, gambling away the farm or abuse.

-SDS

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PURE SPECULATION: The Death of Good Retail at the Hands of “Yes-Men”

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I have worked in retail and fashion for many years, and many of the companies I have worked for are no longer in existence today.  Some of the clothes I still pull out here and there to use on my blog. (I mix old, novelty pieces with fabulous new things!)  While the blog satisfies the creative, visual merchandiser within… there is also a business woman inside of me that has spent years working for retailers, driving sales teams, managing staff, hiring, training, supervising, being internal loss prevention detective and dealing with, as well as observing and working in conjunction with many different corporate office cube farms .

The companies either died or were bought out and then died or they are currently close to death.  The cause of death in each case was or is from internal injuries.

Sure, sometimes there are years in which the US economy is worse than others, but the truth is, in retail…the company’s personal economy is always hanging in the balance.  Either internal losses, poor decisions in the buying department, management issues or hiring, are always the keys reasons for failure.

Because of this, it impresses me tremendously when I find a successful and stable company that is very careful in the decision making process and their success generally comes from who they allow to make these decisions.  The perfect balance of product, people and presentation can be a profitable and rewarding work environment in any world economic temperature, however, the “people” part of the equation is usually the hardest part to get a handle on.  Without the proper “people” part of the equation… the “presentation” and “product” are in imminent danger.  A previously successful balance of brand and management can see hard times by letting poor “yes” men call the shots.

I first became familiar with the term “yes men” when the workers and friends surrounding Elvis Presley were referred to this way in the media.  The term stands for those people who stand around, telling you everything is ok and well, the whole time sucking the $$$ out of you.  “Yes” men nod their heads, smile, act and sound knowledgeable, and look good doing it as their true goal is to keep the gravy train flowing as the company keeps making wrong turns.  Most power jobs are typically held by the same type.  A high energy smile, quick minded answers and positive, upbeat nods of agreement, even when agreement or approval isn’t warranted. Have you ever noticed the type of people who talk and give ideas and opinions, but upon further speculation…you may realize that nothing of any value was even said? Appearing as an effective leader and actually being a doer and a true asset is completely different.

People do not like to rock the boat.  Some are very good at presenting themselves in a perfect light.  They pretend everything is fine, ideas are golden, and they pretend to completely understand the math and the long term impact that seemingly insignificant decisions can have on a company’s future.

There are also management employees that sometimes feel the pressure to justify their existence by adding or amending policies which can be detrimental to company success.

As far as retail empires are concerned, I am very impressed with the successes of Michael Kors, Tory Burch, Marc Jacobs and the Jessica Simpson Company.  These appear to be retailer houses that employ and surround themselves with great management and the success and dollars (because dollars = success) they generate is amazing and they all make it look simple and easy.

One of the key issues that management struggles with in the retail arena is hiring.  To be successful, you absolutely must be equipped with the ability to hire well.  Without the right people, you are nothing.  The wrong hires beneath you will help you lose your  job.  You can not hire someone and then complain about them to your superiors, because in reality, you are then highlighting your inability to hire.  So if you are not intellectually equipped to know what to look for in hiring or recruiting  a great employee at any level, become equipped.  The wrong people will cause company loss.  If you hire the wrong people to manage others, then they will hire the wrong people.  Then you have a mess.

The wrong people steal. They lie.  They cheat.  And they sound and look good doing it.  A good thing to look for in hiring, is people who love your company and the opportunity you are affording them.  This is important so that the decisions they make will always be in order to serve the best interest of the company,

An example would be Rhonda.  Rhonda was an Assistant Store Manager for a retail company for a few years, before working her way into the Store Manager position.

Rhonda had a four year college degree.  During Rhonda’s 8 year stint as a Store Manager for this retail chain, she often hired people she was friends or acquaintances with.  This created an unfair balance within the store level.  “Friends” were treated well with better position upgrades and higher raises, while others floundered and drifted away due to lack of acknowledgement of their years of service and hard work.

Rhonda eventually worked her way into a Multi Store Manager position, thanks to her District Manager.  Within the first year of holding this position, Rhonda alerted the company as to the bad habits of her District Manager, who was then fired, while Rhonda gained her position.

Rhonda’s stores were not doing very well in her District, as she continued to hire “yes” men (friends) to manage her stores.  Blinded by friendships, internal theft was growing in many locations.  One of her Store Managers was caught by another employee after stealing thousands of dollars of company bank deposits. Rhonda never caught the employee theft because she was blinded by her personal relationship with the manager that was stealing.  Rhonda, however, took credit with her corporate office for catching the theft, and used the opportunity to make herself look even better.

In a different area of inadequacy, Rhonda’s corporate office offered mail out coupons to their recurring customer lists.  The corporate office decided it would “track” usage per store of client coupon use and decided it would be beneficial to use this as a tool to measure success of the coupon.  It would appear to the cube farm employee, that dreamed up the coupon in the first place… that if “Store 999” accepted 100 coupons this month, and the coupons were responsible for x amount of sales, then we could conclude that their coupon brainstorm generated those sales.   At the same time, the company also was pushing for each District to have an average of 2.0 units per transaction.  In their cube farm thinking…this surely meant that the salesperson was worthy of employment and that the staffing was fabulously performed by the District Manager.

Reality would prove, that the employees would often tell the customer, that if the would just pick out a second item… it would be $25.00 off  because they had a coupon they would scan for them at the register for a discount off the second item.  This helped the sales associates to appear effective via the cube farm report, by having two units, however…never mind that nothing was actually paid for the second item. The District Manager would also get  to appear successful, when actually the company was losing $25.00 per transaction. Of course, the cube farm corporate hack who hatched the coupon, without appropriate fine print constraints and proper tracking to insure coupons were only used once, also looked like a genius.   Usually a consumer was purchasing a dress, and then the coupon amount would cover a pair of earrings or other accessory.   While it would have been a true generation of company profits if the consumer was actually driven to go to the store and shop due to receiving the coupon, all bets are off and it is pure asset loss when the discount was not the motivator in the first place, and money is literally being taken away from the company by it’s ill motivated District Manager and all of their underlings.  A true business person would realize and care that their company is losing in the short and long term.

Sometimes on paper, what looks profitable and actually is profitable is not the same thing.   I have always believed that every retail corporate office employee from the cube farm should have to go work in a store for 30 days at some point, so as to understand their corporate position better and how policy truly effects the company from a financial perspective.  This would help each corporate person at every level understand the reality/fantasy of certain measures before implementation.  Consequently, it would benefit companies if employees at store level were trained on business education as opposed to being pushed into wrong doing for fear of retaliation in case the excel chart doesn’t show a false increase.

One last example I will give is from a fabulous company that was once in their prime and now no longer exists.

I won’t say the name.  It hurt s too much.  However, to cut costs and to appear effective…someone at the corporate headquarters decided to cut down on store opening management down from two employees every morning to one person.

This person was to open the store, get the bank deposit, get back into their car, drive to the bank and then return.

Just a few shorts months after this policy went into play, the company shrink became unmanageable.  To continue cost saving measures, the company began buying lower end merchandise which then had a negative impact on sales.

During this time, I traveled to other states to visit problem Districts and was amazed at the loss I saw.  Merchandise levels off by 80%, bank deposits off by 80% in store after store.   When I asked a Regional, “When is the last time you were in these stores?”  There was dead silence on the other end of the phone because she had no answer. My turnover % was always lower than any other store, District or Region so I have tried to help teach others the secrets to hiring and succession planning.

When you factor in time clock fraud, poor visual merchandising, and the hiring of lower end, less skilled employees and terribly declining merchandise quality in order to combat company costs…the loss was so severe and poorly managed, I left the company knowing the inevitable was close.  Six months later this once fabulous, successful and growing retail chain was dead.

There are people I’ve had to fire in the past, that are now multi unit managers.  One pretends to have a college degree, but could barely doing math even with a calculator but now has a great job.  I could go on.  My point is, listen to people during the interview process.  Stop talking, and really listen.  You do not want people who lie managing in your company.   Integrity is above all else.  It’s something a person is born with.  An individual with integrity won’t always say yes. A person with integrity is golden in the survival of business at every level.  A person without integrity is a danger, and the words they say are useless drivel.

Death by the “yes”men.  Death caused by the very employees you hire to protect your corporate assets.  Death  because the company can not run itself, no matter how fabulous the products you sell, no matter how fabulous the location of your stores, and death no matter how many credit accounts you force your store employees to open for people too stupid to know that if you actually need a credit card to shop and spend…they probably shouldn’t be shopping and spending.

Generating a positive income from selling a fabulous product line is not as easy as some companies can make it seem.  There are so many other factors to consider… and unfortunately, all factors are effected by the people you hire.

Oh, and Rhonda?  Rhonda worked her way up to an even bigger corporate level…her company is operating at a loss, according to their quarterly results and there are shrink issues throughout her region.

The next 12 months will prove to be very volatile in the retail arena, and challenging from a sales perspective as it is.  So Happy Hiring.  Your company’s future is in your hands.

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PURE SPECULATION: COUPLING UP on FACEBOOK…YES or NO?

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     This blog post stemmed from a conversation I had with friends last week about the big debate as to whether or not married couples should share a Facebook page.
 
     The different feelings that my friends had on this topic were expected,  depending on the type of person they were. Passive, head in the sand, don’t ask don’t tell types… of course didn’t want to see the benefits of such a move.  On the other hand…naturally jealous types thought it was a good idea.  These were not the kinds of answers I’d wanted.
 
     I supposed I’d wanted people to remove the emotion from the debate, look at the realistic benefits from such a Facebook union, and decide that even though it was quite possibly not needed in each of their cases at this present time due to overwhelming trust in their mates…I still felt they were missing the bigger picture.
 
     Looking strictly at the facts, research shows that Facebook is linked to more and more divorces, period.  It’s not that Facebook is an evil device set out to destroy relationships, it’s more the issue that people just suck and relationships are hard. In light of that reality, perhaps it is best to join as a united front and present your union to the world.
 
     In my case, my husband is not a huge fan of social media.  I opened his personal Facebook account, initially, so that he could operate a business Page from it and help keep in touch with his clients and share events.   
 
     He was not ever thrilled with the idea of his face and personal information being all over the internet, and still isn’t, but he sees the necessity in networking for business purposes.  I love this about him.  
 
     Once, shortly after I first set up the pages for him on Facebook, a woman sent him a private message.  She’d sent a few messages asking him how his life was, whether or not he was married, did she she him on a television commercial a zillion years ago, etc. 
 
     After finally remembering who she was, and that she was a girlfriend from ions ago… he told her that it wasn’t appropriate for them to be talking privately on line, and he asked her to no longer message him.   To be honest, it sort of freaked him out that a woman from a zillion years ago would bother to punch his name into the computer and seek him out.  What I’d noticed, was that she lived close by, she claimed to be happily married and that she only wanted to be friends. Hmmm. Of course, he may have reacted differently if Sofia Vegara or anyone even closely resembling her happened to contact him!
 
    My friend Jason recently got a message from an old girlfriend.  As we wondered what the true intent of her phone call was,  we arrived at only two scenarios.  He thought about it a minute and made me laugh so hard when he declared, “Well, basically an ex only wants two things when they look you up again after a long time.  Either they are interested and curious and have you on their mind or they actually are happy in their life, lost 100 pounds and want to show you how  happy and fabulous their life is.(This is the passive-aggressive eat shit and die scenario.)
 
    As for me,  my husband is very not jealous at all.  I have actually had a few men from the past attempt to contact me over the years.  I tell him about each one. He asks me if I am going to run away with them. I say no, not at this juncture. He laughs, and that’s it.
 
     The point is, no one really cares if you are married or not, because as we all know… how married are you is  variable depending upon the bait and there is also the old saying of…  if a person is going to cheat, then they are going to cheat.  It’s not about that.  I am talking about treating your marriage like a living, breathing entity worthy of respect.  
 
     I first got the notion about joint Facebook pages with your spouse, because of a woman I met.  As I was doing her makeup for a photo shoot, she was telling me about her life.  Eventually, she gets out her phone, shows me a photo of her husband, that she was so proud of, and asked to connect with me on social media.  
 
    I noticed later on, that she and her husband had a joint Facebook page.  At first, I thought it was weird.  Over time I began to see that it was an act of respect.  When you are married, you are supposed to hold it up in high regard. Cut off possible issues at the pass.  Not have a bullpen waiting to go in case things go south and new players will be needed in the game of life. You are supposed to be married as if it will be forever if you want the possibility of forever to be a reality.  Disclaimer;I am guilty of always planning an escape route because I have been divorced before so it is hard to think in terms of forever. You can plan for forever all day long, but you never know what the other person will do, so I have  tendencies towards always thinking in terms of what if?  
 
    I remember hearing of Sandra Bullock’s drama in which her husband, Jesse James, cheated on her with multiple women he’d initially met on social media. Sandra’s spouse had reportedly done what most cheating men do, which is tell the third party, “Oh the marriage is a sham, we are not really still together, we are separated, ” etc.   In her case, her husband was a sex addict, of which she was not aware, so he was going to cheat no matter what, however, social media played a part and helped to facilitate ease of connection. I can easily identify with Sandy’s situation, because I was married once to a man who hit on a waitress once and got her number, while I sat at our table ordering Sunday brunch. I later found out that he told her we were there meeting for lunch to discuss our pending “divorce.” The point is, I see how a couple can be married but one partner creates an appearance of  “well, we are together, but not really.”
     Because of people being so tricky,  I always warn friends who are meeting men with supposedly NO Facebook account.  Generally, this means the person is in hiding and is an internet “ghost” due to past drama.  Facebook has a way of “outing” you as being in a relationship, real or otherwise.  I tell single people all the time, ” Do you think you should be getting naked and rubbing all over some man that doesn’t even have you listed as a Facebook “friend?” That’s just stupid. 
      It happens to unsuspecting partners every day of the week. I know of married couples that are not even friends with each other on Facebook.  Married couples who do not have a “married to so-and-so” status declaration.  There are also many women I know who are dating and having sex with guys that they are not even friends with yet on Facebook.  (You know who you are.)  Obviously, you are willing to accept crumbs if you do not even get validated by being on a man’s friends list before getting naked with him.  The issue here, is that you do not know a person, until they are willing to really let you into their digital world, but that’s a whole other facet to social media etiquette.
 
      Due to having a few business pages on Facebook, we will probably keep everything as it is, since we bother have access to everything anyway. Our plan is to be married forever,and doing whatever it takes to make that happen, if we can manage this with out me killing him first.
 
     As for couples just getting married, I think it’s a great idea to have a conjoined Facebook account.  It certainly tells the world that you are a unit and together and certainly would thwart off unwarranted inappropriate contact with people of the opposite sex.  This isn’t a step for you, you say?  You don’t need or want to share passwords or join accounts? Well, recent research states that 22% of women admit to being unhappily married and in a sexless marriage. What this means to me, is that their husbands are having sex with other people. 
 
     Research indicates that cheating statistics rise every single year.  My feeling is that the internet is a facilitator. About 70% of married men and 60% of married women admit to having cheated on their spouse.  The main reason cited? Being unhappy sexually. So basically half of us are at risk.  By these numbers, one could assume that if you are not cheating, then your partner has or is.
 
     Men basically cheat for one of two reasons.  Either he is unhappy sexually in his marriage or he is unhappy and has esteem issues with himself which can manifest and present itself as a  sexual addiction, at which point nothing you can do will heal this person, the issue is within them.  Either way,  having a firm handle on each other’s electronic identity is surely a plus.  If your mate refuses to share his pass codes with you or join accounts, then Houston, you have a problem. Two thirds of women do not ever know they have been cheated on.  
 
     I’ve always had a deep passion for psychology and relationship studies.  My husband and I have both learned from divorce, so we try to make a conscious effort to avoid potential problems this time around. We have our status as “married” so if Chris Hemsworth looks me up and wants a date, he will find that I am taken.
      I have a short fuse, will not tolerate any dysfunction or insanity, that has been made clear and my boundaries of acceptance have been declared. I’ve been cheated on previously by a partner, so I know that of which I speak.  We refuse to become one of those couples that sleeps in separate bedroom, vacations without each othe, has disconnected social media accounts or lives in a sexless marriage. We want passion. Period.  When it comes to Facebook…it’s the new relationship identification card to the world, so I say, if you are married,empower yourself and control the social media in your household.  Make a decision to conjoin 100%, and yes, even your social media passwords.  To love totally is a decision.
 
     What do you think? Live and let live? Let the chips fall where they may? Your comments are welcome!
 
-SDS
-April 30, 2014
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GOD, SEX & FINANCES…our 3 focal points for marital bliss at the 3 YEAR POINT

Our Three Year Anniversary
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     This past week marked the third year since our wedding.  It occurred to me, that it feels like many more years than it actually has been when a friend of his brought it up to me the other day, “Hey, Ken told me this week is your anniversary! So, how many years is it?”
 
     “Well, it’s only been three but it feels like many, many more!” I’d replied. “Oh no.  Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” he’d asked.
 
     “A little of both.” I’d answered.  “On one hand, it’s fabulous because we are so completely fused together. I feel like only a half a person when he’s not with me.  I feel like I was never married before because there was no real and deep connection like the one I have with him.  It’s sad that you just don’t ever realize how  shitty a relationship actually is, until life forces you to move on to something better.”
 
     He went on to ask what the bad part was, at which point I reminded him of the hard times we had right after marrying, due to an extremely severe financial loss my husband had within the first 6 months of getting married. He knew the whole story already about that drama and how hard it was. 
 buckandwinie

     
     The whole issue was hard, not because of sudden financial trauma, but it was especially difficult because of the emotional toll it took on my husband, to have been stolen from by a long time friend.  The feelings of shame for not being able to see the person for who they really were, the embarrassment for not being able to detect the constant lies.  The hell of knowing if you had only listened to your wife in the first place, you would have never trusted this person and could have saved both of you tons of sleepless nights and grief. Oh, and of course 3/4 of your money being gone. Of course, with that, comes depression.  Ugh.
 
    The good part, is that this situation forced our bond to grow to superior degrees.  Rebuilding our lives, changing the game plan and growing together financially helped us to begin working together financially instead of him feeling like he was the decision maker in all things because he was the money man in the relationship.  
 
     In marriage, all financial matters need to be made together, period.  The reason being… if one of you makes a terrible financial mistake, the other person is along for a ride they did not sign up for.  It creates joint responsibility if there are discussions beforehand.  I actually heard financial guru Dave Ramsey telling a listener on his radio program the other day the same thing.  Dave claimed that although his wife had been a stay at home mom and homemaker for over 22 years, he still consulted with her on everything financial.  
 
yellow flowers
 
     This is a point that my new husband had to learn the hard way.  He felt that he could do whatever business ventures that he wanted with his “friend” because the money he was using “was his own.”  He learned. Unfortunately, I was along for the ride.
 
     Again, the entire circumstance was painful and stole precious time and energy from our lives, but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
 
     As far as our marriage feeling like forever, it does, but in a good way, as well.  One of the main things that promotes this euphoric feeling and connection is that we share the same faith.  We agree 100% on everything as far as our religion goes.  That being said, we have no religion.  We believe in the written Word, that is The Bible and everything it states has happened and will happen, everything it says on how we are to live our lives, treat others, deal with problems and more importantly…believe and accept. It’s a handbook for every aspect of your life.  Are we perfect? Nope. (Especially him!) That’s not what a Christian is.  A Christian is a Christ follower, a believer of His Word and a deep desire in your belly to aspire to become a better person because of your belief and because of your love for those around you and God.
 
     The people I know that stand firm in their “religion” usually know the least amount about the particulars of that religion and absolutely nothing about the Bible and that’s the main thing your Christianity should be drawn from.
 
Sex, God and Marriage, relationships, anniversary, Luxor Living and Style, blog, Top Houston blogs, cross, decor
    
     Additionally, today on The Talk, the ladies group was mentioning a study about having either a happy marriage or a happy sex life.  The study supposedly proved that it was impossible to have both.  Basically it stated that rough, cavemen types were the better sex partners and the sensitive and caring types usually were no bueno in the sack.  So choose carefully, because you can’t have it all, according to this new study.  To that, I say, whatever.  We actually were home together, when this show came on and we laughed so hard.  I actually have a caring and sensitive caveman. 
 
     Again, I was married before. Once for 11 years, which was an
acceptable-ish relationship and another time for 6 painful, exasperating and worthless years.  Now, it’s like they never happened.  The cumulative  negative issues in both relationships were three main things, which we choose to focus on in this marriage so that we can remain happy and fulfilled with each other and ourselves.  Our three main areas of focus, here, at the three year mark, are God first in a sexual wonderland for each other and a financial plan of agreement.  Sexual issues and terrible finances are the kiss of death for most marriages, and many a faulty marriage has been rekindled and saved through the bond of discovering God’s word and desire for your life, together.
sjoberg039
 
     Three years, and yes, I want to absolutely kill him sometimes. Actually, the real fantasy for me during those times he makes me crazy mad, is to sell everything, pack up and move to Laguna to start my what-I -assume-will-be-fabulous new life.   However, with a steady focus on our top three areas, this one is looking like a keeper and as I always say, if I were to die tomorrow, at least I was finally madly, truly, deeply loved.  
 
-SDS
-April 17, 2014
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PURE SPECULATION SERIES: THE STRIPPER AND THE BEEFCAKE

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      Some of  the things I do for a living cause me to spend a lot of time in front of the computer. I do social media work in my spare time for some small businesses, including our own.  For months, it’s felt as if I’ve not had a full day off and I feel pressure if I waste a day and accomplish nothing.  I suppose I figure I blew off enough time along life’s way so it’s very hard for me to relax.
 
     Because of this, even though I’d cooked at home while on the computer all day…I’d had enough of being locked up in the house, my husband was at work, so I decided to meet a friend for a margarita and appetizer at a neighborhood Mexican food restaurant.  Of course, after I get there, she got a better offer and ditched me.  Being an adult, I decided I could sit alone with my thoughts and people watch for 30 minutes or so.
     It was nice to get out, but as I began to look at the menu, two people came and sat at the bar next to me.  
 
     I’d initially assumed they were together, so I offered to move so they could sit together, at which point the young woman tells me she is alone, and actually doesn’t know the man who came in and sat on the other side of me.
 
     I was not in the mood to chit chat with strangers, so I kept staring at my phone and tinkering with it.  Oh but wow…she wouldn’t stop talking to herself, me, and the guy next to me.
     He was actually kind of big and hot…let’s called him “Beefcake Guy.”  He kept looking at me confused, wondering why she kept talking to him.  This prompted him to look at me, as if she was my personal sidekick and responsibility.  He was begging me with his eyes to get her to stop talking.  So I explained that I didn’t know her either.  She continued talking with us as if we did  know her.
 
The Stripper and The Beefcake, Luxor Living and Style, Pure Speculation Series on Love
 
   
     This girl looked to be about 25, had jet black dyed hair, a solid country twang in her voice, and a tiny hole in her face where a facial piercing should be.  She had a mean, hard look but as I heard her speak, I realized she was just lonely, sweet, and very happy and was out celebrating alone because she was excited over getting a new job “her first one that didn’t involve stripping.”  
 
   The handsome “beefcake” guy and I looked at each other in amazement that this girl had no filter, so we gave up on keeping up our invisible wall and entered into a full blown conversation with her.
   
     If you knew me personally, you’d know that I love doing my own social research and often times I quiz people I meet on the topic of their life.  It’s interesting to me to see what people think, how they got to where they are, and what is there to be learned from each person’s experience. I can’t help it.  I usually leave a conversation with people being amazed that they told me everything and that I bothered to ask them about themselves in the first place.  
 
     After leaving a conversation with an individual, whether their personal life experience has been good or bad, I find there’s always something to be learned. Always. You can learn more from people’s mistakes than from their accomplishments often times.
 
     “Stripper Girl” was so excited about her new little job at an Optician’s office, that she was buying herself shots left and right.  The drinks were called a “Brain Hemorrhage.”  Classy.
 
     Of course I had to ask her how she got into stripping in the first place. She was more than happy to tell her tale and got pretty graphic over the next hour while enlightening me on the low points of stripper life.
      She was low on cash years earlier, and her rent was due.  She was talking to her mother about her financial crisis, so her mom told her that stripping was the only way to get quick cash.  It turned out that her mother and grandmother had both been strippers.  She had no father figure.  He dad was a distant memory from her childhood.  This prompted me to ask her about boyfriends, and of course her expectations of men were so low from growing up and watching her mom and grandmother… so all of her boyfriends output was low.  She accepted bad behavior not being aware that she should expect more.
 
    The girl was very clear on how she got to where she was and realized that her upbringing had a negative impact on her life.  She now had a small child to take care of, a crappy string of boyfriends who lived off of her and was trying to build a new life.  She explained in detail how much she hated stripping and the men she would meet, but felt financially compelled to continue the lifestyle. She explained what I’d always thought to be true…the big money is always made in the back rooms.  She went into detail.
 
     The break came for her, when her distant father passed away 6 months prior, leaving her as the beneficiary of his life insurance policy, which put $75,000 in her hand.  She paid cash for a mobile home, quit stripping and feels like she’s on her way to a brighter path. I found an opportunity to be encouraging to my fellow woman although to be honest, there comes a point where your upbringing will hold you back and a person will forever be limited – to some degree, by that upbringing.
 
     In between the highly graphic tales of stripper life, including many back room sexual encounters with paying clients… “Beefcake Guy” also began telling his tales.  
 
     This guy was buff, tall, good looking and shy.  As he was ordering his food to go, the girl let me know she was interested in him, but he clearly wasn’t going to have any part of that nonsense, she she’d given up.
 
     “Beefcake Guy” explained he was only ordering food to go home, because he’d “just left the gym” and had a black tie event to go to the next evening with his girlfriend.
 
     I asked him how long he’d been with her, since he was already volunteering unsolicited information.  Beef said he’d been with her 3 months, and that (here it comes ladies….listen up) she’d already been telling him that she loved him.
 
     I’d wanted to prove my previous studies to be right, so I asked him if he also loved her.  He just looked at me with his mouth hanging open, then looked down and said , “No.”
 
     “I didn’t figure you did,” I replied. He asked me how I knew.  I explained to Beef, that most all men do not fall in love prior to the first 6 months. Period. He had been so disappointed in himself, because he’d wanted to love her but it just wasn’t there for him. Yet.  
 
     “But she’s a really nice person,” he explained.  
 
     Here’s what I can surmise.  Women jump in the sack, spend the night over and over, and bond.  Men, however, will let you jump in their sack, spend the night over and over, and eventually hope that feelings will follow. Actually, men will not fall any faster by you jumping in the sack. They will, however,pretend, as Beef was doing.
 
     “So what do you do?  Just lie and tell her you love her back?” I asked.  His answer was along the lines of, “Yes.  She is a nice person. “
 
     Beef showed me a photo of the 30 year old school teacher he was dating.  She was recently divorced, with a 3 year old child.  She was attractive and did look like a nice person.  Beef was 41, and had never been married.  He had a fabulous job as a medical supply rep and was seemingly intelligent.  His reasoning for his continual singledom was simple,  the women all move to fast, the relationship plays out, then he ends it due to lack of feelings.  He sort of had “Clooney Attachment Disorder” in a way.  He claimed he doesn’t cheat while with a woman. One at a time was his policy.  He just rides it out until he’s done and ends it. 
 
      He confirmed for me what I already knew, which was that women do not give men the time they need to love them back.  They are so pressured by your never ending existence, there’s no chance for him to see how he feels when you are gone. They need time to miss you.
      Talking to him reminded me of a college girl that worked for me years ago.  She was beautiful and sweet.  However, she would meet a guy over the weekend, and be sleeping at his house and never going home within a few days, and her relationships never lasted more than a month.
 
     This was an action packed hour of my life with emoticons all over the room.  I felt compelled to make these two people my friends and switch information with them both, but there was so much therapy packed into that one hour, I was emotionally drained.  I’d oozed compassion and understanding for both of them, in their very different circumstances. He was unhappy, she was hopeful, and I got to go back…well run back to the safety and security of my own life and realized I have it pretty great.  
 
     What I took away from this odd evening was this… give of yourself to others, let them talk and try to listen and care.  Everyone wants love and a good life. People want to feel love …yes, even hot bachelors that jump from woman to woman, it just takes them longer to ever get on board!
-SDS
-March 2, 2014
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