Some of the things I do for a living cause me to spend a lot of time in front of the computer. I do social media work in my spare time for some small businesses, including our own. For months, it’s felt as if I’ve not had a full day off and I feel pressure if I waste a day and accomplish nothing. I suppose I figure I blew off enough time along life’s way so it’s very hard for me to relax.
Because of this, even though I’d cooked at home while on the computer all day…I’d had enough of being locked up in the house, my husband was at work, so I decided to meet a friend for a margarita and appetizer at a neighborhood Mexican food restaurant. Of course, after I get there, she got a better offer and ditched me. Being an adult, I decided I could sit alone with my thoughts and people watch for 30 minutes or so.
It was nice to get out, but as I began to look at the menu, two people came and sat at the bar next to me.
I’d initially assumed they were together, so I offered to move so they could sit together, at which point the young woman tells me she is alone, and actually doesn’t know the man who came in and sat on the other side of me.
I was not in the mood to chit chat with strangers, so I kept staring at my phone and tinkering with it. Oh but wow…she wouldn’t stop talking to herself, me, and the guy next to me.
He was actually kind of big and hot…let’s called him “Beefcake Guy.” He kept looking at me confused, wondering why she kept talking to him. This prompted him to look at me, as if she was my personal sidekick and responsibility. He was begging me with his eyes to get her to stop talking. So I explained that I didn’t know her either. She continued talking with us as if we did know her.
This girl looked to be about 25, had jet black dyed hair, a solid country twang in her voice, and a tiny hole in her face where a facial piercing should be. She had a mean, hard look but as I heard her speak, I realized she was just lonely, sweet, and very happy and was out celebrating alone because she was excited over getting a new job “her first one that didn’t involve stripping.”
The handsome “beefcake” guy and I looked at each other in amazement that this girl had no filter, so we gave up on keeping up our invisible wall and entered into a full blown conversation with her.
If you knew me personally, you’d know that I love doing my own social research and often times I quiz people I meet on the topic of their life. It’s interesting to me to see what people think, how they got to where they are, and what is there to be learned from each person’s experience. I can’t help it. I usually leave a conversation with people being amazed that they told me everything and that I bothered to ask them about themselves in the first place.
After leaving a conversation with an individual, whether their personal life experience has been good or bad, I find there’s always something to be learned. Always. You can learn more from people’s mistakes than from their accomplishments often times.
“Stripper Girl” was so excited about her new little job at an Optician’s office, that she was buying herself shots left and right. The drinks were called a “Brain Hemorrhage.” Classy.
Of course I had to ask her how she got into stripping in the first place. She was more than happy to tell her tale and got pretty graphic over the next hour while enlightening me on the low points of stripper life.
She was low on cash years earlier, and her rent was due. She was talking to her mother about her financial crisis, so her mom told her that stripping was the only way to get quick cash. It turned out that her mother and grandmother had both been strippers. She had no father figure. He dad was a distant memory from her childhood. This prompted me to ask her about boyfriends, and of course her expectations of men were so low from growing up and watching her mom and grandmother… so all of her boyfriends output was low. She accepted bad behavior not being aware that she should expect more.
The girl was very clear on how she got to where she was and realized that her upbringing had a negative impact on her life. She now had a small child to take care of, a crappy string of boyfriends who lived off of her and was trying to build a new life. She explained in detail how much she hated stripping and the men she would meet, but felt financially compelled to continue the lifestyle. She explained what I’d always thought to be true…the big money is always made in the back rooms. She went into detail.
The break came for her, when her distant father passed away 6 months prior, leaving her as the beneficiary of his life insurance policy, which put $75,000 in her hand. She paid cash for a mobile home, quit stripping and feels like she’s on her way to a brighter path. I found an opportunity to be encouraging to my fellow woman although to be honest, there comes a point where your upbringing will hold you back and a person will forever be limited – to some degree, by that upbringing.
In between the highly graphic tales of stripper life, including many back room sexual encounters with paying clients… “Beefcake Guy” also began telling his tales.
This guy was buff, tall, good looking and shy. As he was ordering his food to go, the girl let me know she was interested in him, but he clearly wasn’t going to have any part of that nonsense, she she’d given up.
“Beefcake Guy” explained he was only ordering food to go home, because he’d “just left the gym” and had a black tie event to go to the next evening with his girlfriend.
I asked him how long he’d been with her, since he was already volunteering unsolicited information. Beef said he’d been with her 3 months, and that (here it comes ladies….listen up) she’d already been telling him that she loved him.
I’d wanted to prove my previous studies to be right, so I asked him if he also loved her. He just looked at me with his mouth hanging open, then looked down and said , “No.”
“I didn’t figure you did,” I replied. He asked me how I knew. I explained to Beef, that most all men do not fall in love prior to the first 6 months. Period. He had been so disappointed in himself, because he’d wanted to love her but it just wasn’t there for him. Yet.
“But she’s a really nice person,” he explained.
Here’s what I can surmise. Women jump in the sack, spend the night over and over, and bond. Men, however, will let you jump in their sack, spend the night over and over, and eventually hope that feelings will follow. Actually, men will not fall any faster by you jumping in the sack. They will, however,pretend, as Beef was doing.
“So what do you do? Just lie and tell her you love her back?” I asked. His answer was along the lines of, “Yes. She is a nice person. “
Beef showed me a photo of the 30 year old school teacher he was dating. She was recently divorced, with a 3 year old child. She was attractive and did look like a nice person. Beef was 41, and had never been married. He had a fabulous job as a medical supply rep and was seemingly intelligent. His reasoning for his continual singledom was simple, the women all move to fast, the relationship plays out, then he ends it due to lack of feelings. He sort of had “Clooney Attachment Disorder” in a way. He claimed he doesn’t cheat while with a woman. One at a time was his policy. He just rides it out until he’s done and ends it.
He confirmed for me what I already knew, which was that women do not give men the time they need to love them back. They are so pressured by your never ending existence, there’s no chance for him to see how he feels when you are gone. They need time to miss you.
Talking to him reminded me of a college girl that worked for me years ago. She was beautiful and sweet. However, she would meet a guy over the weekend, and be sleeping at his house and never going home within a few days, and her relationships never lasted more than a month.
This was an action packed hour of my life with emoticons all over the room. I felt compelled to make these two people my friends and switch information with them both, but there was so much therapy packed into that one hour, I was emotionally drained. I’d oozed compassion and understanding for both of them, in their very different circumstances. He was unhappy, she was hopeful, and I got to go back…well run back to the safety and security of my own life and realized I have it pretty great.
What I took away from this odd evening was this… give of yourself to others, let them talk and try to listen and care. Everyone wants love and a good life. People want to feel love …yes, even hot bachelors that jump from woman to woman, it just takes them longer to ever get on board!
-SDS
-March 2, 2014
